I sat watching Dr. Phil this afternoon (October 25) and cried and prayed, for a family I have never met and most likely won’t meet in this lifetime. I cried for them because a man decided that he had the right to hurt them. He decided that he had the right to decide their lives for them. He decided that he had the right to get a gun, to get duct tape, to get extra ammunition, to put that all in a bag and to try kidnapping his girlfriend (ex-?) When a friend helped the police free her and arrest him, that should have been the end. He should have gone to jail, stayed there, stood trial, and gone to prison.

Unfortunately, that is not how our justice system works. Because of the laws in Oklahoma he was allowed to pay the bail and get out of jail within 30 hours of the kidnapping! 30 hours!!! The police did the best they could and they warned this woman that he was going to be released and allowed her time to evacuate herself and try to achieve safety for herself. Unfortunately, she mis calculated what his actions would be. Instead of chasing after her this man decided to kidnap her daughter, Caitlin. He went to her school and took her from her car as she was loading her color guard flags into the back seat. He kidnapped her, shot her in the back and then shot himself.

Now this family, their friends, this community, this police department has to deal with the grief and rage that accompanies a horrific crime like this. So, why am I writing all of this you may ask. Why? Because this is the society we have created. I don’t know about this man’s past so I can’t say how he came to the decision making processes that allowed him to do these things. However, somehow, somewhere, something got really confused. There is no way that an average person can simply flip a switch and overnight become a homicidal maniac. Somewhere it became okay for him to decide how this family should live their lives. Somewhere he decided it was okay to get a gun and kidnap a person he said he cared about. Somehow he was allowed to get out on the streets in less than two days and try it again.

How have we gotten to this place? How have we gotten, as a society, to the point that this is allowed. This is horrifying and I’m sure everyone watching this show and hopefully anyone reading this agrees with me. What should be more horrifying is that this situation plays out over and over and over and over all over this country to every race, religion and social class of women. That is the truly horrifying event that occurs REGULARLY. I don’t know the statistics so I can’t make the "while I was writing this X # of women were hurt" analogy, but we all know it is happening.

So, what are we to do? I saw a public service announcement commercial the other day of a couple in bed listening to their upstairs neighbor be abused by her partner. The headline at the end said "It is everyone’s business." And it is. If we, the rest of this average American society, do not speak up then these horrifying crimes will continue to happen over and over and over and over. How long do you think it will take before it is someone in your family? I have already experienced a removed level of this. My aunt married an abusive man and divorced him twice. But, am I willing to take a chance that I sit on Dr. Phil’s stage in 3 months or 6 months or a year because my sister’s boyfriend has done the same thing?* Are you willing to take a chance that you grieve your daughter because you didn’t speak up?.

We need to speak up and change the laws. I just heard Dr. Phil say "Legislators do not make the laws, WE make the laws." The legislators can only do so much and more importantly, WILL only do as much as we tell them to. If there is no outcry against this, then they may not know HOW important to us, as a community, this is. It does not take much time to write a letter or an e-mail or make a phone call and say, "What happened on Dr. Phil today? Make sure that never happens here." They have staff and files to keep track of exactly these things. THAT IS THEIR JOB!!! Make them earn your tax money. Speak up, make your voice heard. I’m going to find my legislators right now. If you want to find yours, go to your state website and look for a legislative link. This should hopefully have a "Who are my Legislators/Find my Legislators" link that you can fill in the appropriate information and get the contact information you need. Join me, and Dr. Phil, in this crusade.

*I, personally, am not actually worried about my sister, at least not with her current boyfriend. But this was a poignant example of the chances we are taking with our loved ones.