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5 February The Invisible (wo)manA friend told me a couple weeks ago to update my blog, so I finally am. I came over last week and changed the song, but hadn't had time to change the post yet. So, here I am. I thought about finding that picture that says "MY BOSS TOLD ME TO CHANGE THE STUPID SIGN, SO I DID." But I decided it would take too much time to find it.
Instead I will regale you with my deeply surreal 'Am I in a sci-fi movie? / twilight zone' moment tonight. I decided that I was going to go ahead and get a digital convertor box and antenna for my living room. I was hesitating because, honestly, I spend most of my TV-watching-time in my computer room multi-tasking. But then a couple weeks ago I was home sick and wishing I'd set up that TV.
Tonight I went to Radio Shack, on my mom's recommendation based on her sister's level of ecstasy with their box, to get a box and antenna. I thought I'd have to make choices and explain what I wanted and what other brand products I owned etc. Nope. But before I get to that part. Let me stop myself and tell you the important part. The part that warrants posting in a blog all by itself.
I walked in and walked up to the registers, because there is no need to browse, I know what I want and I know what I want to walk out with and i don't want to have to think terribly hard about it or pretend that I'm browsing to get someone's attention. I just need someone to tell me which box to get and which antenna etc.
A woman had walked in just ahead of me realizing she had a problem with a couple of cell phones she had, literally, just purchased. So, I wait a few feet from her, because I'm patient, and she's kinda frantic and I got time to spare for now. There are two guys helping her, neither of which acknowledge me with anything more than a spare glance. There is also an older, white-haired guy behind the counter within arms reach of me. I'm not entirely sure he could see me anyway because he was quite short, for a man, and there was a rather sizable computer monitor betwixt us. (Ya just never get to say betwixt) None of these men speak to me or look at me expectantly as if to help or even acknowledge me in any real 'salesman like' fashion AT ALL.
A fourth man comes out of hte back, a rather old man, carrying boxes. He walks up to another couple, asks if he can help them with anything, they say no. He walks past me, asks someone else behind me if he can help them, and when they say no, he returns to the back room of the store. Meanwhile the white-haired guy has come out from behind the desk only to walk to the other side of the store, still ignoring me!
The cell phone lady has been getting help from the two guys this whole time. She finally gets her stuff figured out and leaves. One of the two guys turns away and goes into the back room. The other guy? He starts punching stuff into the computer!!
I am not actually angry at this point, or ever for that matter. I am incredulous, utterly disbelieving. I've heard people say women are 'invisible' in tech stores like this and never believed it. I've also heard fat women/fat people are invisible to the general population in various situations. But you have Got to be kidding me! I am, literally, the only person standing in the store for at least 10 feet around me and I am standing still, in the middle of nowhere, not facing anything nor lookin at anything. And yet FOUR men are able to absolutely, completely ignore me. Hmmmm.
After standing there, alone, waiting, for at least a full minute and a half, possibly more, I raise my hands in that 'surrender' style gesture we all do and I say to the guy:
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but am I invisible or something??
I've been standing here for 5 minutes and
FOUR people have walked past me without acknowledging me in any way!"
He could not have BEEN more apologetic. Somehow, lord only knows how, he had the idea that someone was helping me. Now I don't know about you, but believing there are 5 people working at Radio Shack on a Thursday night is a bit far fetched for me. Because, clearly he and the buddy were workign with the cell phone lady. The old guy who came out from the back clearly never spoke to me. And the white haired guy, although the likeliest candidate, wandered off never to be seen from again. And, in fact, may have been helping SOMEONE ELSE when I did leave the store.
Seriously. never had that happen. Was utterly flabbergasted. I did, however, purchase my convertor and antenna there. Only because my aunt Carol thinks it is the greatest box ever. So, now I have tv reception in my living room. Where am I now? in the spare room. I am about to go watch a movie in the living room ... on my dvd player. not on the tv. But now I know it's available. And, more importantly, so does mom. Because, really, she is the reason I got it. She just can't seem to tolerate me not having tv shows available on that tv. It is unfathomable to her. ((shrug))
Now I have it, happiness abounds. 23 December Last minute gift ideai can only imagine how much funnier and more enjoyable this would be if it were actually MY kid up there. hee hee hee
FELIZ NAVIDAD!!!!!
28 October Five AdjectivesThanks to Pioneer Woman for this great idea and incredibly long and convoluted intro to said idea. Made me smile. I've decided to post mine here and ask you all to post yours!
Five Adjectives that you would use to describe who you are.
Mine:
1. Funny
2. Blessed
3. Beloved
4. Intercessor
5. Dreamer
I have lots more I want to write about, and hopefully those will come in future posts. Just really wanted to get something up tonight. But now that my supper is done I really want to watch another episode of Gilmore Girls before my Tuesday Nite TV starts. Biggest Loser, alternating a bit with the Mentalist once that starts, taping Fringe @ 8:00 so i can watch it at 9 when the other two are done. Hey, don't knock it! It's my system, it works for me. And it keeps me from crying in my nachos every night from loneliness and boredom.
 and, because I have a feeling, if you could leave your five in my comments, that'd be GREAT!! To do so, at the bottom of this post is a list of options one of htem says 'Add Comment' Click on that, fill in your name, or whatever version of your name you'd like to use, fill in your email if you want the whole world to have it and your website if you feel like sharing and then fill in whatever else you have to say. Hope that helps the comment-challenged readers I know I have. Love you! 9 July There is always a choiceWe have had some changes off and on at work since December. In April we closed an office in the next town and assimilated their furniture into our reception area. At the time we donated all our current reception furniture (think cubicle walls etc) to the local Salvation Army chapter. Also at that time a previous owner fully and officially retired. So, a couple weeks ago he finally got his office cleaned out. Well, not cleaned out exactly, he went through and took all the stuff he wanted to keep and left the rest for us to take care of. Which is fine, he put in 30 years building the busines ... he can leave us with a small mess. He also left us with a rather large solid wood desk and a wooden topped table. The boss told me to see if someone wanted to take it off our hands. She knows I'm 'green' and can't stand things like that to go to a dump when there are easily 15 charities in town that might like to have it. So, I called the Salvation Army again and they didn't even hesitate. "We're interested, we'll take them, we'll be there right away .... possibly today" (which was, technically, yesterday). Today they came. They bring some sort of 'county guys' in matching jump suits. I don't think they're technically in jail or rehab, but they're in some kind of program because THEY'RE WEARING MATCHING JUMP SUITS!! The first batch were decent enough guys and the two guys today seemed decent enough. But being the person 'in charge' of this creates a dilemma.
Do I hover in their vicinity while they're figuring out how to get this freaking monstrosity of a desk out of this office through a standard-sized door so that I can be helpful and useful if they have questions or need tools or something?
In thus doing, I run the risk of looking like I am trying ot make sure they don't steal the phone plugged into the wall or the paperclips on the floor.
OR
Do I leave them to their work and go back to my own copius amounts of work?
Thus running the risk of seeming like i can't deign to spend time in the company of men of questionable ilk .... or that they have the plague and I could be infected if I get too close ... or some other equally ridiculous excuse that people typically give.
So, what's a girl to do?
A little bit o' both. I hovered a bit at the beginning and worked for a bit and then held the door for them while they carried the monstrosity out our back steps. I tried to smile like they were average, normal human beings and one of them cracked a joke that actually made me laugh ... so I laughed. But I thought, hmmm, what's a girl to do? do other people have dilemma's like this? I think no. Considering my coworkers mostly agreed that I should 'keep an eye on them' to make sure 'the only thing they take is that desk.' I mean seriously, the only other things IN that room was a random wooden chunk of paneling, 6 chairs, a dismantled table, a bookshelf and a phone and accompanying cord. And the few random paperclips that they could probably have if they really were that klepto. Guess it's just me and my bleeding heart getting in the way of getting my own dang job done. 22 June Said at tonite's Wedding ReceptionStanding outside the reception with my mom after browsing around the venue and chatting with some of the family of the groom the following conversation takes place.
"Let me know whenever you're ready to blow this popsicle stand."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, not much potential in there. ..... well, plenty to look at ... but not much depth."
"ya think?"
"Yeah, Especially for a Curvy girl like me ... you really gotta want this." 8 June My Saturday NightRather than post another depressing message lamenting my ongoing, undesired single status, I decided to recount the highlights of my weekend which ended with my friend Natalie's wedding last night. So, here's one version of a Sunday Love List.
Right here .... Oh, and I got 3 fish. I had Mortimer that Allison gave me, and he sadly passed I say due to old age ... but he was ony a few months old. I now have 5 plants and 3 fish ... according to the 12 step rules in 28 Days I only have to make it a year without killing any of them before I can be in a relationship ... then again, i'm not recovering from anything, so I don't really think those rules apply. 5 May 41 hours? I could handle it ...This is my new plan to achieve the Life of Leisure I'm always convinced I should have. tee hee
You can see the actual video here.
11 April Inspired by SuperfantasticSuperFantastic Lori hosted another Love List. Which, in turn, of course, inspired me to post mine. So, here are the things I love at this moment. Being a woman I reserve the right to change the status of any given loved item at any given point in time with no advance warning, no notification and no concern for other's.
I'll right off, agree with Lori about Thunderstorms. As long as I am safely in doors under a roof of some sort. (long story to be had here, ask me about it sometime)
Digiorno pizzas. Without question, close enough to Papa John's to keep my broke arse happy on a Friday movie night.
Splenda. A recent addition ... just this morning in fact. Realized that maybe I can handle it better than sweetner and help my waistline a bit in the process!
Friday Nights when I do NOT have to be ANYWHERE on Saturday morning. Means I can stay up as late as I'd like with no regard for an alarm clock.
Saturdays when I have no particular plans and can laze around until I actually am bored, generally around 3 pm.
Oversize, worn in perfectly, comfy sweats. L-O-V-E them. I have a handful of sweatshirts and a few pairs of sweatpants and I love nothing more than to come home after work, get out of the work outfits*, and get my sweats on. *is because the work outfits are doubly uncomfortable for the fact that they BARELY fit anymore because I've regained basically all the weight I lost last year.
 So, the loving of the sweats goes to a whole new level.My 300 thread count sheets. I'm still gunning for sheets with a slightly higher thread count because in my mind I can extrapolate the higher comfort factor, but I love getting into bed at night and rubbing my feet around just to feel the softness of the sheets.
I gotta say these two, my co-worker, Jen, and my Curves friend, Leslie. Jen, under a completely different title, basically did my job before I started. She gets it and she gets all the idiosycratic bullhonkey I deal with every day. She has become my sanity ... and she shares my coffee habit. Leslie? She emails me. She emails me goofy, funny, chatty emails ... AND she makes me work out. I need that. I can't even begin to imagine how many times I've almost decided to just come home rather than work out but instead I stick to my plan because i know Leslie will be there waiting for me and I'll HEAR about it if I skip out on her.
New addition, The Christian Manifesto. That's the website I write movie reviews for. It gives me a direction in my writing and practice. Love that. AND C.E. the guy running that particular peanut stand, is SUPER GREAT and I enjoy writing for him. If only I can get my writing going in other areas maybe I could actually GO SOMEWHERE with it!
Another new addition to my world, L'Bri!! It is a direct-sales skincare program that is Aloe-based and as pure and natural as you can get and still be manmade. I've just signed up to be your Aloe Lady, so go check out my PERSONAL WEBSITE here to see what you think! Feel free to order a free sample or pay for a whole set! Let me know if you've got questions.
The quiet of a life filled only with white noise. I put in that last link and sat here looking around for a few minutes to see if I could spy anything else I should include, since it felt odd to end the list on what is basically a mini-sales pitch. And I thought "hm, an apartment to myself. oh oh a balcony. hmmm, THE QUIET. The only noise I can hear right now is the refrigerator over the constant ringing in my ears. And clocks ticking. It's lovely. reason number 216 why LOVE having my own apartment. Oh, that too ... MY OWN APARTMENT!!! (Even if I am a greedy little bugger and already gunning to get a better place that has a garage and a dishwasher by fall.) 31 March How I spent my weekendFirst, on Thursday, I went in another stupid, crazy snowstorm to look at new-to-me cars; because mine is dying.
Then on Friday I booked a trip to Vegas for a long weekend in October with a friend. On our way back to work (we booked it on our lunch hours) I got amazing financing for the car I wanted that I looked at on Thursday. Here are some pics
Awww, what a good girl Tabitha has been for me. I'm sad to see her go.
So sad, in fact, that I cried. (not really, but it looked good for the pic.)
And, of course, I am so happy with the new car that I am kicking up my heels!!
Then, Saturday my church did a sketch/variety show based on the Ed Sullivan show. Here are my two performances.
This one, the resolution sucks, but you get the idea.
Clearly I am more than willing to make an utter fool of myself to get a laugh. Miss Kitty and her Trained Poochies can be booked for parties etc. Contact me for details. ;D 27 March Internet dating ... jury's still outRemember that jerk that emailed me? Well I've been pretty active on that site and recently realized that I have no idea how many messages I've sent and how many responses I've gotten. So I took a minute to figure it out tonight .... because I had nothing better to do. I've sent a grand total of 141 messages. 10-20 are ongoing conversations so we'll exclude those. A grand total of 43 messages have never even been opened yet. Which means I'm doing reasonably well, although not statistically well.
Statistically I've got approx 60% of my messages being opened. Right now I am talking with 3 different guys. It was 4, but one of them is in grad school and must have midterms or something 'cause he completely dropped off the planet. Although I can see, now that I've finally realized that the website allows me to see all of the messages I've sent and if/when they've been read, that he did read my last message last night around 11. However, let's say I've gotten a message back and responded a second time to even 10 guys total, including the current 3-4. That means 8% of my messages are yielding a return. Taking it one step further I've only had 4 actual 'conversations' with the guys, which also then means I've got a 3% response rate.
Don't ask me what in God's green earth possessed me to figure out the actual simple statistics of this, but something did. And now that I know I've got a 3% return rate two things come to mind:
1) I need to spend WAY MORE time on this computer sending messages.
 and
2) I am so deeply and incredibly glad that it only takes one guy to get to my hopeful final destination. (For those of you following along with the stats, that's less than a one percent return rate, ... so far.)  26 March Name name bo bame ...yes - it’s a meme. hehe. i found it while randomly browsing people’s blogs and stumbled upon it at Lethal Euphoria. Don’t feel obligated to take part in this, i just found it amusing and wanted to share. I hope you enjoy it! 1. My rock star name (first pet and current car) 2. My gangsta name (ice cream flavour and cookie or biscuit) 3. My fly girl name (first letter of first name, first three letters of last name) 4. My detective name (favourite colour, favourite animal) 5. My soap opera name (middle name, city of birth) 6. My Star Wars name (first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name) 7. My superhero name (second favourite colour, favourite drink, add “the”) 8. My Nascar name (first two names of my two grandfathers) 9. My stripper name (favourite perfume, favourite sweet) 10. My witness protection name (mother’s and father’s middle names) 11. My weather anchor name (fifth grade teacher’s name, a major city beginning with the same letter) 12. My spy name (favourite season/flower) 13. Cartoon name (favourite fruit plus garment you’re wearing, with an “ie” or “y” added) 14 Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast plus favourite tree) 15. Your rockstar tour name (favourite hobby plus weather element, with “the”) That was AWESOME!! Thanks Kristy!!! 11 March Hapy EasterSlightly 'inappropriate' but INCREDIBLY FUNNY. Go check my friend Kris' Lethal Euphoria page. HA!! I asked if she came up with it herself, but I haven't gotten an answer back quite yet. 1 March Good thing I don't have kidsHaven't visited it in a long while, but I stopped over to Dooce today. Realized they've gotten a dog that makes for good posts and that I kinda miss reading about her. Might have to make stopping by there a bit more of a regular habit. Regardless, this post she had up led me to this post and HOW FUNNY!! Yes it is in Spanish, but the drawings are not. ohhh, the things people draw ... the things that occur to the rest of us who then find a friend to draw something like that and then put it on the internet.
And, as an advance notice, my mom is currently in the process of creating her own dance to this song. She actually wants to go on YouTube. So, once she's perfected the dance, I'm going to record it for her and put her on YouTube. I'm already so excited I can hardly wait for her to finish!!!!!
She cracks me up! 21 February Greatest ridiculous song lyrics everHeard this song this morning and truly believe it is one of the greatest songs .... ever. The beat and melody just force you to enjoy it and then once your brain engages and actually listens to the lyrics it is amusing simply in their ridiculousness and seeming lack of any sense. enjoy!
You can call me Al - Paul Simon A man walks down the street He says why am I soft in the middle now Why am I soft in the middle The rest of my life is so hard I need a photo-opportunity I want a shot at redemption Don't want to end up a cartoon In a cartoon graveyard Bonedigger Bonedigger Dogs in the moonlight Far away my well-lit door Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly Get these mutts away from me You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty when you call me You can call me Al A man walks down the street He says why am I short of attention Got a short little span of attention And wo my nights are so long Where's my wife and family What if I die here Who'll be my role-model Now that my role-model is Gone Gone He ducked back down the alley With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl All along along There were incidents and accidents There were hints and allegations If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty when you call me You can call me Al Call me Al A man walks down the street It's a street in a strange world Maybe it's the Third World Maybe it's his first time around He doesn't speak the language He holds no currency He is a foreign man He is surrounded by the sound The sound Cattle in the marketplace Scatterlings and orphanages He looks around, around He sees angels in the architecture Spinning in infinity He says Amen! and Hallelujah! If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty when you call me You can call me Al Call me Al 14 February Happy Valentine's to ME!I got this email card from a WONDERFUL friend, Allison. Seriously, MADE MY DAY!
HA!! Very possibly the single greatest Valentine I have EVER gotten. hee hee hee 24 January Forget Happy!!This post was inspired by a college friend, Superfantastic Lori. And this post. Read mine first ....
She mentions in her post the "happy" cows of California. Now first and foremost I could make a crack about that "hay" they're feeding the cows being the cause of said happiness ... but I will not. I will make the point ... the very profound and thought-provoking point that occurred to me while cooking dinner and doing dishes.
Who cares if they're "happy" cows ... Happy doesn't make me GOOD cheese.
GOOD cows make GOOD cheese.
HA! Take that silly California with your happy cows ... you can have and keep your happy cows ... sell them to McDonald's for all I care. We've got GOOD cows here inWI.
That's why WE are the Dairy LAND!!! 14 January Not to be glibBut something happened to me on Saturday, that I thought, immediately, I need to blog that. But, with the other recent developments, it almost felt disrespectful or sacreligious. So, not that I'm trying to be glib or downplay the sadness that will soon envelop the next day and a half or so ... I bring you another funny thought for today.
I needed to walk on Saturday. I planned a general route and took off. Walking .... walking .... walking. To complete the mental image for you, before I tell you the funny part ... I am wearing an xl LAVENDER winter coat, WITH a fur-lined hood ... and I believe a hat that looks much like this only in black and without the goofy flower. It's maybe 2 in the afternoon on a reasonably warm (for January in Wisconsin) beautiful, blue-skied day. And I'm almost home. I come to an intersection just down from my house where a car is stopped at a stop sign. An Olds Alero if you must know and an older-ish lady driving. I begin to cross the street, obviously heading towards her car and I hear this noise. I veer towards the back of the car and suddenly it dawns on me what the noise was ...
SHE LOCKED HER DOORS!!!!
ME! In my goofy hat and PURPLE winter coat ... what am I going to do, mug you? car jack you? in JANESVILLE??
Ha, wonders never will cease.
advance warning. Very possibly a deeply moving, and profound and very sad post to come tomorrow. Very possibly not. The visitation for my mom's friend is tomorrow. Oh, and I told my boss today at work about the visitation and funeral, only because I had told her around Christmas time that I might have needed a bit of time off if her friend passed then, and I said that I might be kinda touchy on Weds. She just pseudo-smiled sadly and said, "Ok, I'll try not to talk to you on Weds then." Like, sincerely, honestly was trying to be respectful. Just kinda threw me. Nice to know though. Ok, I'm off to bed. Long day tomorrow. 4 January Miss Me BabyI heard this song on Soft Country on Yahoo Launchcast Music today. No you don't have to listen to all of it ... just get to the chorus
And, even though I KNOW the song is about something else entirely, I always think of this scene from Sweet Home Alabama
Just cracks me up every time ... and, as always, I wanted to share!! 22 December Cheapness vs. Holiday Cheer - Round 1I refuse to "sink" $7.00 into a shovel so I can consider clearing my parking spot or even my building's sidewalk
but
I happily spent $12.50 on a light up, tinsel covered, moving PENGUIN
to put on my balcony.
(hopefully pics to follow at a later, but near date.)
Ding Ding
Winner = Holiday Cheer!!
More story to tell. But only if Ifinish wrapping all my presents so you get an adorable picture of my tree floating on boxes of lovely gifts.
Meanwhile, enjoy my new song on the site, and after you've enjoyed htat
enjoy these videos of the best Christmas songs ... EVER! Ha!
15 December The Price is RightMy mom has been complaining that Drew Carey has ruined The Price is Right for her. He has messed up her whole morning routine. She can't stand him. I'm dog sitting for a guy who has tivo and I set up one (he has 2 tv receivers!!) of the tv's to tape it to see Drew in action for myself. On the one hand I can see why my mom doesn't like him, but on the other hand I think this is the FUNNIEST Price is Right I've ever seen. I can't decide if this is the day that all the wack jobs showed up just to make me laugh or if it really is this funny all the time. Following are the examples:
1) A girl from Curves was on and even said she was with a group from Curves for Women! Woot!!
2) Drew walks out, says thank you and launches immediately into "Rich What's our First Item up for bid today??" Bob always seemed to chit chat. Then that first prize was a pool table. The girls racked up the balls and with one hit knocked all the balls into the pockets. Which Drew pointed out ... and then says "They've been working on that all afternoon." Just a bit amusing there.
3) The last girl to bid on that pool table bid ... Ten Hundred. Everyone else was bidding Eleven Hundred etc and I think she just got confused. Drew says What and she changes it to ten thousand ... then drew checks do you mean A thousand? yep. Then he randomly shouts out Eleventy Twelve!
4) this lovely older lady named margaret came up with a shirt that says "I've been LOOkin for You Drew" And the OOs are googley eyes. Drew notices and says "oh, you've got little funny eyes on there, that's hilarious. ok, what's the next prize?"
5) they bid on this watch and Margaret wins. But the guy nextto her, Ralph, decides he is the winner and jumps up running up to the stage, elbowing Margaret out of the way, loses his shoe on the steps and drew has to say "No, it's margaret ... margaret, margaret, margaret, margaret!" Then she is so excited she starts dancing and running around and he dances with her etc. Very amusing. You can tell he's not very good at directing people.
6) Margaret gets to play the Stirke Game to try winning this Lincoln MKZ car. She is SOOOOOO not good at this. She picked out a 5 and puts it in the first slot, 50,000 for a lincoln!? She ended up walking over to the game to point at the box on every one. She picked out a 4 at one point and then again later and chose the same box for it both times! Drew mentions that the price stays the same ... Then he starts talking about how the game is going to take forever because she keeps picking wrong boxes but not any strikes so "this game is gonna take ... we'll never get to the noon news. we'll see you guys at the weather." The whole thing was very amusing.
7) next item up for bid is this huge 8x11' cable rug. Drew asks whatthe bids are and then says "that is one nice rug ... i'll leave it for that." The girl first to bid says "I can't breathe." Drew says "Well good. Ha. Hope there are some paramedics in the crowd. No, seriously, it's ok. It's ok Melissa, you're only on national tv with all your friends watching."
8) now we're over to the wheel spinning. And, Margaret goes to spin and FALLS!! Lightly sat down 'cause she lost her balance, and then she had to spin a second time and did it AGAIN!
9) lastly, Melissa the girl who couldn't breathe got to play the dice game. First roll, a 1! Second roll, a 6!! Third roll, a 6!! Last roll, a 5!! So, drew says "We know this one's right, light it up ... we know this one's right, light it up ... we know this one's right, light it up."
Just cracked me up. Maybe those of us that like Drew Carey will start watching the Price is Right and the ones that don't like him will start to see the humor in his manner. :D |
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