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30 August dismayedHeard something tonight. Am now dismayed. Thus blogging at 130 am when i ought to bed in bed, but i can't sleep.
My sister has this great boyfriend. I would use a stronger adjective, but it would sound disingenuous. Mentioned to the family tonight that the nice boy on the internet finally emailed me back and that I was relieved. my sister says 'yeah, (bf)'s really nervous/scared (something to that effect) about that. he doesn't think that is the way for you to meet someone.' my response was essentially 'well, tell him to step on up then and help me out!' we laughed and joked a bit about it. I was fine. Until I got home and things got quiet and I had time to re-run the conversation in my head.
Now, it makes me sad. (maybe I can finally cry, since I feel like i've needed one for a couple of days) Honestly, it does. Because all I can think is 'How'm I supposed to meet someone???" The BF is a bigger guy and my sister is curvy too and they met in a bar (i think) through mutual friends. But they don't do the church thing. But, they are clearly so incredibly happy together.
So, how am I supposed to meet someone? hmm? Internet, you have any ideas? Honestly, I'm asking for your opinions here. I don't even know how many regular readers I have that could even try to comment.
Where am I supposed to find a man mesmerized by the blue of my eyes and not my lack of defined jaw?
someone who loves my almost-black very curly hair with it's gray coming in?
someone who won't see my size 18 arse and disregard me immediately?
someone who does truly believe that the depth of someone's character isn't defined by their outward appearance?
someone who takes the time to appreciate the loyalty and depth to which i love those i chose to love.
someone who chooses to love me back with that same level of loyalty and depth.
someone who actually appreciates that this size 18 arse sways quite nicely in the right pair of heels.
someone who can comprehend that this body, with all it's extra curves, will happily participate (if you get my drift)!
someone who makes me laugh.
someone who opens doors for me and carries my groceries into the house.
someone who loves jesus with the same intensity and intimacy that I do.
someone who wants to have a couple of babies and pour every ounce of goodness and love and devotion we share into their little hearts as soon and often as possible.
someone who appreciates that i cry easily.
someone that I spend time with and can finally say 'I can't imagine having to live the rest of my life without him.' instead of what I spent most of my previous relationships telling myself, 'I can put up with that for 50 years. That's not so bad.'
I want more. More than the standard. More than the average. More than typical. More than mediocre. More.
So, tell me dear friends, where might I find such a man? 2 March WARNING: Angry White FemaleSo I'm on this Christian dating website ... [deleted] I got this message today from a guy and this is what he says:
of course you state your "weight is personal" because you're overweight, why not just admit it and move on?
[deleted]
I deleted most of what used to be here. I was watching Oprah's Big Give tonight and was reminded of multiple things I have said in the past. I am reminded of what I felt and thought when my mom's best friend died a little while back. I was also reminded of the song we sang in church this morning.
There is a line that says "I will wait for you." and this morning, in church, when i sang it I was thinking, "Lord, I do. I do wait for you. I will wait for you. Clearly you don't mean for me to be in a relationship right now. And I can wait on you. I don't "want" to wait on you, but I would rather wait on you than to be in a bad or barely mediocre relationship."
Tonight, I was upset at the email above and stressed out about the new business venture I'm about to start. And, on the Oprah Big Give one team gave a woman a bunch of stuff because her husband was murdered and ended it with her and her twin daughters writing messages to the husband/dad in a balloon and letting them float to "heaven." I talked to mom for a minute about it and when I hung up, I started to cry. I remembered her friend. And I remembered what I felt when she died. I remember thinking to myself "life is TOOOO short" to not take advantage of every SINGLE oportunity available to me. No matter what else I do in this world I could be gone tomorrow .. or in a month ... or in two years. Any number of things could happen and at the end of the day things like the email above do NOT make any difference in the greater scheme of things. So, I'm going to try hard to hold on to that.
"I will wait for you Lord. I will wait." 23 February Reason #287I joined a Christian dating site last night with a friend. If you pay then you get ful privileges, so we decided to take advantage of the 3 month deal they're running right now. This morning I decided I should browse around and take advantage of this service I am now paying for. I browse around 20ish profiles, sent a few emails and a few "winks"
Then I run across this profile .. a tad odd. Nothing horrifying, nothing scary, just a bit "different." ya know? Well, at the bottom of the profile it asks you "Is there anything else you'd liketo add?" This guy ... he adds
"my favorite tv show is Walker, Texas Ranger."
ummmm, yeah, SOOO moving on from that one. Sorry if that is super judgmental, but I just don't think I can even considering dating someone who thinks the best quality TV available right now is Walker, Texas Ranger!
I just went back to the site to continue searching around and realized ... his name? Is MacGuyver. Definitely not my type. 17 February Slogan anyone?HA! OMG, so funny!!
Wait Till We Get Our Mouse On You.Enter a word for your own slogan: Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator, for all your slogan needs. Get more Mouse slogans. Kristine - The Appetizer!Enter a word for your own slogan: Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator, for all your slogan needs. Get more Kristine slogans. 10 February So, that's what they're looking for .....Hangin' out today. Flipping through channels on my "new-to-me" tv and run across The Millionaire Club on Bravo. Not only is the principle of it slightly disturbing ... but there was this one woman. Her name was Lola and I could NOT believe that the guy actually chose her over the rest of the women!! (You can try finding a pic here, she's blond and the best shot of her is behind another blond who is all blurry.) She looked a little like Angelina Jolie only with some really BAD plastic surgery She was frighteningly fake. All around, through and through. Maybe her ears were natural. Depends on the surgeon. If you looked at her eyebrows you could tell she had naturally dark hair, but the hair coming off of her head was super bleached almost white blond. Plus it was in this super bizarre pulled straight back from her head with a bouffant of some sort on the top. And she had BLACK eye makeup that just HID her eyes plus these super big 2x too many injected with collagen lips.
It was seriously frightening. He asked her what she did in her spare time, and her answer? Played with her little doggie. A grown woman, and yes, she said doggie. And this guy is a FREAKIN MILLIONAIRE! I am a woman of substance and intelligence and beauty inside AND out and I can't even get a DATE! Made me want to go out and buy my treadmill and get on that website and get signed up to meet a millionaire. I could TOTALLY take most of these women.
I just sat there flabbergasted that he was choosing her and liked her so much! It was frightening. The episode ended and I thought to myself, "hmm, well, that must be why I can't get a date then. If that is what men are looking for, rather if that is what millionaires are looking for then, clearly, I don't have a shot since I'm well ... real and carrying only what God gave me."
:sigh:
Maybe someday. Just disturbed and had to share it. 4 February Remember the Video Store?Yeah, I had another one of those moments. And because I was laughing at myself, pretty hard, I figured it needed to be shared.
Have you seen "Must Love Dogs" ?? If not, you can still appreciate this. It opens with 3-4 vignettes of different people answering a question one asumes to be some standard variation of "Where is the best place to meet people?" One girl answers with the grocery store and then elaborates "The best place to meet a guy is at the supermarket. You don't need to waste a lot of time there, either. You see a guy holding a list, you know he's married. He's in the frozen food section carrying a small basket, he's single. I like to hang out by fruits and vegetables, ... there's a better chance of getting a guy who's healthy"
Well, I had to stop at Logli's tonight to grab milk. Which, of course ends up being way more, but that's neither here nor there. And I go down the cereal aisle to get myself some oatmeal and notice a guy standing there ... holding a basket! Hmmmm. I am walking up on his left side and, of course, do the immediate check of the ring finger. No ring. SCORE! At which point the internal amusement at myself begins. "Hmmm, so someday I can say 'Well, I had to go to the store to get milk and ..." you get the picture. I generally do stop myself right about here and laugh, occasionally note, but most of the time yes. I get my oatmeal, he leaves the aisle, as do I and I find a lane to check out in because the oatmeal is the final thing I need. Well, you'll never guess who walks into the checkout behind me! Yep, small basket guy. Hmmm. Maybe he'll smile at me, maybe he'll follow me out and ask for my number. Cause that wouldn't freak me out AT ALL! I can be coy and intriguing or ... shoot, can't think of the word i want. I can tell him "Well, my friends call me Mouse, and I laugh a LOT and if you google Laughing Mouse you'll find my blog and then you can get to know me before you actually ask me out ..." You know, 'cause that's not inviting a stalker or thinking incredibly lowly of yourself or anything.
As I walked out of the store I noticed a Rodeo sitting right behind my car and I think 'hmm, how funny would it be if his car was right behind mine!" I continued to laugh at myself and I started loading my groceries in my cart. I noticed him come out of the store a few minutes after me and get in this white VW something or other a few cars away from mine. But, I gotta tell ya. The way he came out of that store and got in his car, you'd have thought his hair was on fire! Which, of course, being the incredibly insecure girl I can be (Helloooo irrational girl!!), I think "Hm, did he pick up some weird I'm-single-and-desperate-and-really-just-want-any-date-i-can-get vibe from me and is running already??" At which point I start laughing at myself again, because seriously, how would that even be possible!! We all know that guys are typically OBLIVIOUS to that sort of stuff! And I drive home thinking of how I am going to yet again add some personal humiliation to my website, raise my potential value in a relationship by sharing my incredible level of neurosis, and hopefully make a few friends smile.  17 January Reason #319 why I can't seem to get a dateI had movies to take back that I think were actually already late, but I realized it too late last night. So, in spite of picking up a cold in the last 24 hours I decided to run them back tonight. I pull up in front of my local Family Video (LOOOOVe the Family Video) and park all goofy and cock-eyed because I'm only going to be there long enough to drop off two movies and go home. I go in, drop the movies in the slot and on my way out notice this car trying to figure out where to park. Observant as I may be, this doesn't signify anything to me. I get in my car and pull on my seatbelt and notice that the guy getting out of said car is fairly tall, fairly broad, good looking, wearing what appear to be some sort of workout pants that aren't zipped at the bottom so they bell a bit around his ankles which are tucked into what appear to be wrestling shoes. Got the mental image? Ok. He walks in front of my car to go into the store and .... ACTUALLY LOOKS RIGHT AT ME! And he even kinda smiled at me! This is an oddity for me.
Especially in a parking lot.
Especially when it is 19 freaking degrees below zero
and I am wearing a knit stocking cap and my giant lavender winter coat.
He even kinda smiled at me! I know!! Will wonders never cease?
Now here is the reason I can't get a date part. I put my car into gear, start to turn around in the parking lot and notice his decent-looking mid-size SUV. And I think to myself ....
How wrong is it, exactly, to want to hit his car JUST so he has to talk to me? 11 December Neurotic much? Why, yes I am. Thanks for asking!My copy machine broke today. I called the company to send a repair man out. He got here about an hour later, which was fabulous because my copier was completely useless. As is true for much of life, you don't realize how much you rely on something until it breaks. Well, the repair man they sent out is quite cute. I believe he said his name was Alex. Alex has great potential, from the 10 minutes he spent here fixing my copier. Of course the rational part of my brain is convinced he has a girlfriend or is a bar scene kinda guy or something, but the "head-in-the-clouds" emotional and completely irrational part of my brain is trying to figure out if he is going to or should ask me out. Let me share a bit of my internal monologue with you on this one.
I'm in the other room pulling together an info packet for one of our clients and I suddenly realize that I don't have any lipstick or chapstick or anything on. My lips are bare! Should I put some lipstick on? Will he notice that I didn't have it on and then did put it on? Now I realize that men, in general, are notoriously unobservant of things such as this, but what would he think if he did notice? I finally settled on a bit of chapstick since I kinda needed it anyway.
Then, I'm thinking "I need to get this packet done so I can go sit at my desk just in front of the copier where he's working so I can laugh and smile and maybe flirt a little bit. I wonder if he would ask me out?" I wonder if I would end up looking like an idiot trying to flirt and looking like Ross on Friends. Ever see that episode? It looks like this (or click here)
This whole time I can't see his hand to see whether or not he has a ring on. I finally see that he is not wearing a ring and I'm trying to smile and be amusing. And while trying to do that I'm realizing how neurotic and bizarre I am and then laughing at myself because of my internal monologue. It is a neverending cycle with me! Lastly, after he leaves I think to myself "Hmmmm, I wonder if he were interested if he realized I get lunch at noon? Maybe he'll come back and take me to lunch. hmmmm, that'd be cool. Except I am a little strapped for cash right now. hmmmm, of course he would offer to pay for my meal!" And, I continue to be amused by this whole thing right up 'til now. Probably all day long. THIS is probably a more accurate accounting of why I can't find a good man. 17 November Why I can't find a good manI have a routine. We all have routines. My morning routine is to wake up within 30 minutes of the alarm, rejoice that I can keep sleeping and then proceed to hit the snooze 2-5 times after it has started going off. When i finally drag myself out of bed I go upstairs and pour a cup of the coffee that my dad brewed between 330 and 5 that morning. I throw it in the microwave for 45 seconds and doctor it and turn on the coffee pot. I then go take my shower. By the time I've finished my shower the leftover coffee is full hot and I can refill my mug and re-doctor it if it needs it.
This is my routine. Friday's are the only days this is at all different. Because on Fridays my dad doesn't always work. And if he doesn't work then he didn't brew coffee at a godawful time of the morning. Sometimes I get up right around the time he gets up and then there is no fresh, already brewed coffee waiting for me.
 So, I either extra-doctor the "too strong because it hasn't finished brewing yet" coffee or cry. Well, no I don't actually cry, but I am sad and try to figure out what to do. This morning it's Friday. I got up around 750 and headed upstairs to start this morning routine. I got up there and went to grab a coffee mug for the already brewed heavenliness that is my dad's coffee. But there is a mug sitting on the counter already. And dad says to me "That cup is clean." Ummmmmm, okay, but I can see something inside the rim . . . I'm confused . . . I'll investigate. As I pick up the mug to look at what exactly is inside of it, my dad follows up by saying "I poured you a cup of the other stuff in case this pot wasn't brewed up when you got up." *sniff* *sigh* How considerate! He thought ahead to how sad I would be if the coffee was crappy strong because it wasn't done brewing when I got up and poured me a cup of the leftovers to heat up just in case. Then, not only did he do that! Once the pot was fully brewed he dumped out the leftovers previously set aside and rinsed the cup to wait for me to get up.
What does this have to do with finding a good man? Well, let me tell you. I can't even get a guy to be decent to me half the time much less open a door or anything considerate like that. That is bad enough. But if you add in the level of the bar my daddy has set, this coffee incident being only one example, then it's not likely most guys would want to even TRY to hit this level. My personal opinion? The vast majority of them are just too darn lazy to work this hard. Not all of them, I know! But the vast majority of them. Especially the younger ones. So, if I have any regular male readers who have a crush on me or wish they knew me, know this. "The gauntlet has been thrown down. Answer with vigor."* The bar is high, my expectations are high, I'm not likely to settle for much less.
The List
#3 - Considerate or this is a more indepth definition.
*This is a movie line paraphrase. |
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